Well shit. I know its been a long long time since I posted, but after my dad died I had to get away for a while. I was living and working at a girl scout camp in woodland park (in the mountains) with no internet and for a good part of the time, no electricty, for the past two months. It was incredible, like living a whole new life, but now I'm back ( Read more... )

The bullet tastes of forgiveness ( Read more... )

There is a lot of self hatred staring back at me from the mirror... and its starting to scare me

Drank last night for keeley's birthday. We had what was left of a keg from the camping trip, a bottle of 99 apples and then B and J. Decided I really dont like drinking. Broke down and bawled about my dad on Andy's shoulder after having to tell Rylee (our old neighbor and once family friend) because he didn't know. I know I haven't updated about my ( Read more... )

Your teasing and toying with all my emotions

A rip tide of lies pull me under the ocean

Pretty words and promises are all that you say

You don't really want me, but you want me to stay

Like a doll on your shelf, just a toy to be stored

You like to know that I'm there while I'm being ignored

I have my own life, I belong to myself

I'll leave you alone ( Read more... )

My aunt hynotized me last night because my grandmother is convinced I can contact my dad. Its not the first time shes hypnotized me and she knows I'm very open to it, but its hard to explain. Its like letting yourself dream while more concious to it, at least, much more so then when asleep. Anyway, it leaves you feeling like your making whats ( Read more... )

Sorry its been a while since I updated. Since my dad has died my life has been..different. His memorial was saturday and his milatry burial was monday. both were really sad but I had two of the most important people in my life there to make it better, and they did take away some of the pain. So thank you Michelle and James. I got my nose pirced ( Read more... )

30 Things You'd Never Think to Ask

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Searched? More like raided!

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?
Try not to

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
 two months ago

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Alone has more bed space, but in the arms of someone else is nice to

5. Do you ( Read more... )

To my daddy...

Beautiful Dreamer, asleep on the moon
Silver cloud blankets, stars guide the dream

The dream of warm rain in the summer month of June

Wild flowers, and Daisy, a vally lush and green

‘Oh Dreamer, rest well, high above your worries

Sleeping in a place with no room for pain

With no hurt, no illness, no anger, and no hurry

Take your time ( Read more... )

 We had moved him to a Hospice yesterday. My mom called us back up at 12:30 because he was throwing up black bile, and the nurses said his time was soon. The doctors had told us he would die of one of three things. Either an infection (he was on anti-botics) a massive seizer (he didn't have one) or Brain hemeraging (we knew another couple with the ( Read more... )